Friendship

A Brownie Guide thinks of others before herself and does a good turn everyday.

This is the Brownie guide Law which, as a brownie guider, I teach to girls aged 7 when they first start brownies. Its a phrase I am very familiar with but can this be applied to our friendships?

As I may or may not have mentioned I have written myself some aims or goals for the new academic year. One of these is to be a good friend. But what does it mean to be a good friend and why is this one of my goals for the year?

Well, I guess most goals are things that you want to improve on due to thinking your not particularly good in that area. This is true about friendship. I have had a tendency in the past to be rather selfish in my friendships, I wanted to be friends with people that do nice things for me and have the friendship on my terms. I also like to keep people at arms length so they don’t find out too much about the real me. But while I was in India I realised that it’s really important to let people into your life and really get to know the person below the shell. I have had the privilege of 2 fantastic housemates over the last year who, without my allowing, have somehow learned more about me than I would ever allow. In fact there have been more than one occasion when they have known what I need or how I would react before I knew myself. To begin with this scared me but then when in a foreign country with people who didn’t know me I realised how important it is. I suppose my point here is that you should have friends in your life who you let in and share things with. Don’t always keep people at arms length or put on an act for them. Friends want to know the real you so don’t keep hiding from them. Imagine if other people did that to you, if they put on an act and told lies rather than the truth.

A good friend is someone who you can be completely honest with and will love you no matter what. Don’t ask ‘who are my good friends’ rather we should question for how many of my friends am I a true and honest friend for? I suppose this highlights my second point; that friendships shouldn’t always be to your best interests. As part of my goal I am seeking to put my friends before myself and see how best I can serve them. Serving in this way shouldn’t be a chore but should spring out of love and, in most cases, should turn out to be fun. It may not be easy to be selfless in all of our friendships but I believe that if we all tried a little harder our friendships would be much more valuable and much more Godly. Jesus gives us a perfect example of how to be a friend when he washes the disciples feet. In biblical times the feet would no doubt be dirtier than ours and it would be even less desirable to touch other peoples. But Jesus shows us how to serve our friends by putting their needs before our own and letting them get to know the real friend they have in Jesus. How many times do we turn up our nose at things our friends suggest? This is not only in big decisions, but when choosing a dvd or place to eat it wouldn’t hurt us to put our friends before ourselves every once in a while

Take this time to reflect upon your friendships. When do you take more than you give back in your friendships? Are there any opportunities to serve your friends by doing something nice for them that they would really appreciate? Do you have close friends who you allow to meet the real you? My suggestions are nowhere near perfect but let me point you in the direction of Jesus whose example gives us all something to think about.

Let him who is without condemnation cast the first stone

Recently I’ve been reflecting a bit more on friendship and how we get on with people. For those of you that know me I hope you will agree that I am the sort of person that gets along with everyone. I’m pleased that I have been blessed with this ability but I have to tell you that its not always that easy. Through thinking about the friendships I struggle with the most I realised that these are mainly caused by me being jealous in some way or another. Whether prettier or more popular, smarter or more confident my friends often possess qualities I desire and this, through my own distorted feelings of self worth, leads to jealousy. Once I realised that jealousy was the root of my problems I began thinking about where it comes from and what breeds it. In Galatians 5 it says we are to live by the spirit and that jealousy comes from our sinful desires. This supports my initial ideas that we need to admit when we are jealous, give our jealousy to God and let the holy spirit work in us to overcome it. Paul also comments in Philippians that he has learned the secret of being content in all situations and later on that he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him (phil 4v11-13) this has been the single most often quoted verse for me over the last year. To be quite honest this perfectly demonstrates my inadequacy and the need for Christ in my life. Now if I have a problem in a friendship or a relationship is struggling I will seek commit it to prayer, consider the problem within myself and try to understand my part in the problem. Then, most importantly, I can move forward with the strength that Christ Jesus provides. Yes this may be easier aid than done but by pointing at other people we often fail to look at ourselves and our internal problems. In the program ‘8 simple rules’ (I don’t know the episode exactly) it is said that every time you point at someone there are three fingers pointing back at you. This is also biblically correct as it is mentioned Mathew 7:3 why do you see the speck in your brothers eye and fail to see the plank in your own

I pray that after reading this you will take time to look at your own friendships and see if there are any troubled by your own jealousy.

(hehe you should also listen to the children’s song about Mathew 7:3 by Doug Horely, but that’s just cos I like the song I don’t think it will hugely influence spiritual growth).